Future College Student Blog Wars
A satire of future flame wars on DoILikeYou.com
Tired of blog wars and nasty "rate my professor" sites? Here's a satirical look at a future website designed to humiliate people in an organized manner.
Seattle, Wash., November 12, 2016. The World Online Corporation announced today the launch of its new social website, DoILikeYou.com. World Online has heavily publicized this release, which the company hopes will compete with sites like MySpace and Facebook for one of the Internet's most profitable markets-- blog war traffic, especially from college and high school students.
DoILikeYou.com is designed to be much easier to use than MySpace or Facebook. Anonymous users log on and either create or edit an existing entry for any human being on the planet. They then rank each human being with a Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down. Users then evaluate each human being on a scale of 1 to 10 for each of the following criteria: attractiveness, friendliness, kindness, intelligence, competence, trustworthiness, uniqueness, ethical behavior, and "non-lame behavior."
"For years, the Internet has provided a public forum for people to evaluate the character of their fellow human beings, usually in negative ways," said Judith Murray, spokesperson for World Online. "Now, users won't have to frequent a variety of websites to search for humiliating comments about a particular person. DoILikeYou.com will provide one-stop shopping for flame wars." DoILikeYou.com is also designed to compete with sites like Friendster, where users evaluate their friends in mostly positive ways.
While angry bloggers are anticipated to be the cash cow of this site, World Online also is marketing the website as a replacement for professor evaluations sites like RateMyProfessors.com, as well as sites that rank other professionals such as doctors. The site also is hopes to draw traffic from divorcees, jilted lovers, angry employees, irate tenants, bitter neighbors, in-laws, school bullies, road raged drivers, and other categories of bitter individuals who crave an outlet.
Although a large percentage of the ratings on DoILikeYou.com are expected to be positive, World Online is targeting its advertising heavily to those interested in negative comments. "It doesn't say much for the human race, perhaps, but that's what's going to make the site a financial success," said Murray.
WorldOnline is not expecting legal challenges to DoILikeYou.com. In 2010, the Supreme Court firmly established Internet flaming as protected speech.
Nonetheless, critics of the site abound. "Sites like these make anonymity impossible," said Kimberly Cruz, president of Parents Fighting Libelous Internet Garbage (PFLIG). "It used to be that if you were a celebrity or politician, you could expect to be the victim of public ridicule. Now, thanks to sites like this, everyone in the world is subject to potentially humiliating public critique on the Internet. Being a mild-mannered, anonymous person isn't an option anymore."
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