Dating Your Professor
Problems to Consider Before You Date Your College Instructor
Dating your college professor or teaching assistant is probably a bad idea. Here are some things to think about before making the moves on the teacher.
Should you date your hot college professor? Or that cute graduate student teaching assistant?
The answer is: maybe. But probably not.
Now, granted, there are plenty of former students and teachers out there that are happily married or in strong relationships. Meeting the love of your life in the college classroom is not impossible. In many cases, graduate student teaching assistants are about the same age as the undergraduates, so dating seems like a good idea. However, there are some serious difficulties to consider before dating your college instructor.
First and foremost, it is probably against the rules. Most colleges and universities have well established guidelines forbidding students and teachers from dating. In some cases, these rules only apply during the semester when the student is in the teacher's class. However, many schools have rules that ban all dating between students and instructors.
Besides being against the rules, dating someone who is currently your teacher can become a nightmare. It doesn't take much imagination to think of some messy problems. What if you have a fight, or break up? Do you really want your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend to be responsible for assigning you a grade? Furthermore, if other students find out, they are going to accuse the teacher of favoritism.
Another thing to consider is sexual harassment-- or at least the appearance of sexual harassment. The instructor becomes vulnerable to the claim that a student has been promised a good grade in exchange for sexual favors. This may not be the case, but that might be what it looks like. Sexual harassment can end a professor's career, even if he or she has tenure. And students who date professors can come under suspicion of sexual harassment as well.
So, if you're going to date your instructor, you should at least wait until the semester is over. However, if you're still a student, other problems may arise. You'll be in classes with other professors who are friends with your new boyfriend or girlfriend. That can be messy. You'll also have a reputation for being "that student who's dating Professor X." This may not be looked upon favorably by fellow students or other teachers. In addition, the reputation of your new boyfriend or girlfriend will suffer as well. Many academics turn up their noses at professors who date students, especially if those students are considerably younger.
So how about waiting until after graduation? This is a simpler option, but not necessarily ideal. Relationships that begin with one partner being in a position of power over the other sometimes can be unequal or even exploitative. This can be exacerbated if the teacher is much older than the student. This also goes for relationships between bosses and employees (and relationships between presidents and interns).
One thing to look out for: older (usually male) professors who seek out cute young students to boost their self-esteem. Professors are a bunch of former high school geeks. They grow up and become successful professionals, and suddenly rooms full of cute young students find them charismatic and irresistible. No, this doesn't apply to all relationships between older professors and younger students. However, it's something to look out for. Do you really want to be with someone who loves you because you boost his ego?
Some relationships between teachers and students fizzle when you leave the classroom environment. There's something terribly sexy about a charismatic professor delivering a fascinating lecture. Bring him out of the classroom, though, and he might be just another middle aged guy with a beer belly. In addition, part of the draw of the teacher-student relationship is that it's so taboo. Once the semester ends and the taboo is gone, the attraction might be gone too.
There's no need to categorically rule out all relationships between teachers and students. Love is a hard thing to find, and sometimes relationships begin in less than ideal situations. Nonetheless, if you are considering such a relationship, think carefully about your decision.
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Six things you should know about your professor
